Sick Garble For The Uninspired

Getting your most personal worst fears confirmed is indeed a terrible thing. But it is not so much that another has ruined, destroyed, or even killed a part of you, someone just made your life worth living for a little while. The issues, insecurities and despising one's self were long ago ingrained, perhaps even in the process of your dna construction. I've come to terms with some simple and bittersweet revelations, I'd like to think, in the past two days. I have been repeating to myself that not every portion of everyone's life is exciting, and love-filled, and fulfilling, joyous and something to indefinitely write home about. There will be calm stints, that do not mean it is all over. I have such a natural catastrophe-driven outlook when it comes to my life, and myself, prepared for the worst paired with being so devastated over how I expect things to go. Life changes when you are conscious and able enough to make action, or any decision, with the knowledge in mind and heart that you are the person in control. The best situations in my life have arisen from my own effort towards them and appreciation of them. I read something somewhere last night so trite, so repetitive and even plainly stated, somehow or another it hit me like a ton of bricks. What I read was how all things come to an end, everything, and it was about the silliness in thinking that something would last forever. It's not sad that it's ended, or it is over, it was real and it happened and it ended because each and every thing does. I was in awe of such a concept I had known so well. It had to end sometime, what's so bad about it ending when it had to? I have realized I need some saving, but nonetheless I will not live my life in such a total and outright pity party. Grow up. "Yeah, being twenty years old, twenty one, and not knowing what you're going to do." Join the club. Just try to be content in any way possible in the time being. I wanted less for my self, and was choked and blinded by its truths. The things that haunt and torture me may in fact proceed to for so many years to come, as years that they have, possibly even for so long that they carry into my next lifetime, perchance they already did from the prior.