You Told Me You'd Never Forgive Me If I Did What I Did And You Never Did

"It's gone
and might never reappear."

I memorized things, like your freckles
like a map, so I could find my way back home
(to safety, security and comfort)
now time has elapsed, and I can't recall things
like your favorite color (I think it was yellow)
I do remember that feeling
still present in my dreaming
you are always watching and observing me
and no one may ever care again
but I don't know you any longer
not relevant to this feeling
I could never for a second blame you
since I still hold you as perfect
you could never do anything wrong
too intricate and premeditated
I was messy
still kicking myself each painstaking minute
(that I fucked it up, like I do)
I messed things up with you
I truly thought capable to lift you up
from that place you had been laid
with my innocence, with my meaning well
but I was digging my grave,
pulling skeletons from my own closet,
and rising my ghosts up from hell

know I am still sorry for bringing to light
those things you put to rest
know I haven't been able to rest since

ps- you became such a large part of me that I became unable to forgive myself until you forgave me but you never did and never will.