Inferior

There is this innate 
and nearly subconscious defeat
in the back of my mind
then finally forefront
and I am saddened
to return perfection
with inadequacy 
and shortcomings


this is where it all falls apart
not being enough
not feeling like enough and in turn
feeling like you don't want to be anything at all


everything is unbalanced
then exceedingly off kilter 
between the give up
and the striving to be what someone deserves
someone so good
looking into the face of someone
so common


and you think of how the worst part of it all
is that the other party is not expecting
or feeling worth a person encompassing complete wholeness


and you think even so much worse
is that other party's acknowledgement
they desire idealistic pureness


I don't take this seriously