You Warm Me Like A Cold Sweat These Days

I am always carrying in me
Someone else's something or other
Memories and traumas in my head,
Love in my heart,
Smoke in my lungs

It keeps me grounded
As low as my head is hung,
No longer in the clouds
My caring arms no longer stretched out
Because I have learned of the things never talked about
Once hopeful naive
Though now there is only one thing hiding up that sleeve
Cause I have been the one tricked, and wrongfully deceived
And you can think you know my every little thing
But you will never know what it is this year means to me
I fell away, on a slippery track
There is no easy, or short way back

I called you, I saw you at the best of my worst
That's when people make the decision, to end their life, so I've heard
But because of the people that I know, I made my decision, to see this one through
I like to think now I am at the worst of my best now
I've made my decision, so I've heard, there is a life to live without you


I miss the luminosity of your skin
(I know that there is no longer anything underneath)
I choose to be no longer your feel bad burden
(But only to save myself the grief)

I showed I got fucked up
You said that you fucked up
I never told you that makes two of us
I continue to carry your spirit
You are still nowhere near it
Our souls still seemingly intertwined
With intent
You wrecked mine

There was an ultimatum
And it has been met
I am only here to ask
Why then I am not over you yet

I carry the weight of the only thing greater than myself on my back
Struggling every day to let go of a flawless soul that I kept so perfectly intact

"You were holding on to make a point,
what's the point?"

(Do not take this as an insult
but I came to realize me being embarrassed to be alive is
not your fault)