This Day August 15

I asked him to sleep in the bed

he did not reply

and I slept nestled in his back on the couch

we drank tart drinks

neither of us want to show that we care, or care more or less

so it's a battle every moment for an impossible balance, more or less

*******

Your name is everywhere

it makes me wince as if it were so bright

until last week I thought of you as the opposite of light

you're still the opposite of right

but when everything is going wrong, I want to go to you

your birthday is one week from today

that address is burning a hole in pocket now

I almost wrote you a letter saying that THIS IS NOT A BIRTHDAY PRESENT

it has been six months since I obtained the location of your whereabouts

and promised myself to never initiate contact, or acknowledge you again

I know you could find me if you wanted to

there has always been a sick balance to this, and it comforts me when I am unwell



the only connection I find in these two narratives regarding my day
is that they are both about yesterday