We All Meant Well

I had a dream that I was in class, but had to leave, because I was too in my head, unsorted, and scattered. When my teacher scolded me for doing so, I started to explain, to which she just said that my things were unorganized, unfocused, and everywhere, handing me a heavy book I did not even want. Feeling bad for my being so upset, she then attempted to comfort me, and began to instruct me, and demonstrate a game that she liked to play. The game had various different colored chips, and a lot of rules that I did not understand. She wanted to play with me very much, and ran me through an example on my desk so that we could. I started to well up, wanting to tell her how much that I hate games, and how badly they make my head hurt. She was not teaching me in a way that I can learn, but continued to do so, in hopes that it would finally sink in. I wanted to leave, and did not understand anything.

[What I took from this, is that I feel too much of a mess to remain in anything that I could benefit from, probably even literally school. People do not know how to help this problem, for I do not know how to properly relay or explain this problem, and furthermore, I do not know how to help myself. I leave situations when I feel that it is better for the other person, and easier for me. The game represented all of the things that hold me back from feeling better, because I am convinced (possibly rightfully) that I cannot grasp or learn them. Having the book, was the fear that I did not in fact desire the thing once it is finally obtained, and wanting/getting things for the wrong reasons. The teacher is everyone that I quietly idolize, look up to, and wish more than anything not to disappoint, so, everyone that I care about.]