A Selfish Quest Left Me With Just That

It was just a feeling, a feeling that did not wane, did not falter. Time did not alter it, nor circumstance, nor change, itself. After enough time elapsed, the feeling actually begin to defy all current situations, all circumstances, thoughts, everything aside from the idea behind it. The feeling, a simple one, held immense power and purpose. The feeling was that something greater was occurring, something behind the veil, larger than all other things, foreseeable by the eye. If this feeling, and the idea, that meant that the feeling was real, if that was what you desired more than all other things, then its magnitude and importance was utmost. These situations, no matter how flawed, fleeting or unforeseen, meant everything, for they formed that truth, and your truth is what you live for. Your truth is your hope, what you strive for, breath for. Hope keeps us alive, and therein lies the gravity of our truth, our most coveted wish. I do not  believe that my own is far from other's, I am not immodest enough to say that what we all want is not something so common. How can I manifest this feeling all on my own? I do wish that I could; being that dependent on another is not practical, nor safe. But there it was, looking at me in the eyes those nights. Something that good, that pure, that magical, could not be average, human. Maybe I am simply attempting to place the blame on anyone aside from myself, it would be too unsurmountable, the burden of losing my own hope. So I say those fleeting moments, the very few that I deem real, or of meaning, affecting my truth they are at fault for what they taught me, and could not continue teaching. I grieve their absence, when the longing for the idea still so prominent, and consuming in my head. While the proof, so sparse, rare, faded, dying. I build a wall, for every instance that does not display to me a brilliant and beautiful suggestion of hope, and purpose, and every guard that is up, separates me and what I am endeavoring so desperately and pitifully now to learn. Hope gave me the strength to go on, while knowledge of no longer instilling that very feeling of truth and meaning, destroys me, ravaging my seemingly useless heart.