Jumble

let me be.

i am just trying to find myself, not in a crowd, not in another, alone, myself.

this sounded better in my head.

i've been dreading to write, putting it off, every which way. i wanted to write a list today of everything that i felt anxiety from, i just walked around shaking instead. time has been going by slowly lately, like at half speed, i see and feel everything twice as long, and much. i learn such vast amounts, and i am grateful, i am, but sometimes i get in those moods, where everything turns dark, and i see how it could be like this forever. 

you never told me why, not in the slightest. so i assumed me, myself in my entirety. 

we all torture ourselves so much, and for what?

  "she was happy,

  and i would be lying if i said that it did not cause me pain."