Fidgety Fingers

Do you have time to learn all of my nervous habits as of late, will you know them?
I do this thing where I stare at my left hand, and watch my pointer finger and thumb move around each other.
I do this thing where I press my tongue against my top teeth, a dental hygienist recently called it tongue thrust.
I do this thing where I sweat through everything I am wearing, I do hide the shaking better.
I do this thing where I hold my line of my jaw, to protect my neck.
I do this thing where I am thinking while I am talking, the sentences are choppy and fade off without me noticing.
I do this thing where I cannot keep still, where I cannot move.


You knew me when my walls were small, and destructible, my teeth have moved since, I can drive next to the center divider now, sometimes even beside a semi truck, I still cut my nails too short, I can drink my coffee black like you do, and wine with dinner, my car is the same, I am only half ashamed of that, I sleep more nights, can't use a pillow, same side of the bed,  stand up for myself, cause a scene at more appropriate times, wake up early in the morning like you seem to, I have scars I have been meaning to show you, because I still need this, as much as it is worth it, which consequently, is a lot.