Turmoil

A flashback is searing, I lose complete control of my head.

One moment I'm leaning in the driver's side window of your car, I blink and you won't let me inside of your house. I say, sincerely, "I am always here for you." and you respond coldly, in a general way, "you just weren't." I cried and turned around to go home, no music on.

It's so many years later, different town, different person, but we know I am the same. 

I say, sincerely, "I want you to know that I wish I did not leave you alone as much as I do." You reply cooly, in a very general way, "I wish you didn't either."

In times like this I am painfully aware that the universe does not pay any mind to what I am thinking. I blink, and you're gone, and losing you, and losing anyone is always the same, but shouldn't always be the same person. 

I pull myself out of a dream I am so deeply enveloped in, only to awake to the similar. 
In my dream, my phone lit up, I looked down to see a message from "l", lowercase. It was only "l" which confused me, I understood that l stood for love, but could not decipher who it was from. I sat thinking, I made an assumption, and then I opened it. It was not from who I thought it was, but figured there was probably something in the mixing up of the two.