Something More Important

I was half-sitting half-lying on the floor, it was a light wood, but not quite blonde. You were standing fairly far behind the couch that I was in front of. You were not at the forefront of my mind. Your niece was sitting on the floor with me, we talked, and played, but I watched her mostly. You stood back with a small appreciative smile, there was another person in the room, but I did not know who, or pay them any mind. I was not engulfed by every thought that you could be thinking, I knew peace. There was something of greater importance than my embarrassment, and I had found it. Some dreams are too easily decoded to mean nothing at all. I remember feeling immense amounts of gratitude as well, but not to be honored by your presence or tolerance, but to be in your home, to feel welcome. I said your name aloud, I did not feel nervous. I was grateful to be getting to know a person you cherished, who meant so much to you. This, for once, was not about what I meant to you. I felt lasting, I felt safe. I felt as though I was building something.

I had a very telling dream, of comfortability and family.
It wasn't even about you.

I thought today that both of us whole-heartedly blame ourselves, therefor neither will ever forgive, 
but we will forgive, we will forgive ourselves.

I am so sorry for making this complicated.
 "

"