i have to go move my car and it's amazing the easiest thing to do is to go on

i became hijama
something bland that you liked when you were younger
and eat now for that reason only
it is thursday
clocking in at seven was hard today
i had both coffee and tea at work
i fell asleep creating my pros and cons to staying alive list
of course i was asleep before i started the pros
of course i started with the cons
i will state some of the reasons to keep living now
since i'm sure we all know the cons
my friends, being in their lives forever, and not disappointing/making them blame themselves
good music and movies
my brother
things could always get better
the people/things that would win if i didn't
my job and my bosses

i decided that i should not go to the city
and maybe i will go get some soup instead

i cried last night for too long at the movie camp x-ray
for the stupid reason that
the prisoner made his decisions entirely based on being so beaten and broken down
i studied his defenseless interactions, his thoughts, his demeanor
unguarded
the parallels upset me
i saw myself, and then felt bad for him, or me
holly was in a conference today so i had nothing to do
except for all of my work