How Is It That You Can't Make Someone Love You but You Can Make Someone Not Love You

"And I should have crashed my carthe night I drove alone"

I forgot town is horrible without you here, I am the same piece of shit as when I left, just a little bit shittier.

I let you win for the sake of a non-argument. I am not sorry for not telling you that I was coming home. I told the few people who I thought might want to see me, and it's pretty obvious that you have no interest in that. this doesn't make us less friends, and nothing will make us less friends but you say in the street it makes you feel stupid, and I don't tell you what it makes me feel.

Tonight I felt like a stupid, ugly, unloveable failure. I looked at these people in their sweaters, all grown up, and with their parents. I guess I didn't want to tell you that I felt like I had gotten take out thai food alone on thanksgiving, but you wouldn't understand that and I do not expect you to. 

Fuck, this feeling sucks, and I'm the same whiney brat that I was three, four years ago, driving around wondering where the fuck you are. do you ever wonder where the fuck I am? I almost drove by your house but I swear to god I'm past that, if magic won't bring us together then nothing should, and nothing will. I am home, but I can't be alone and I can't be with people, and I cannot talk and I cannot sit still, and it feels just like oakland or anywhere else. no one cares what I'm doing or how I feel about it. I put myself here, and I will not fucking let myself out.