I sat in my car for hours just thinking how unlucky I am. He met me in the parking lot, exactly how I'd want, and he ran all the way to me and hugged me and we were smiling big.
He said he was broke or he'd buy me drinks all night, we got two "christmas beers", and he said being in this room made him nervous, he dropped his card on the floor. We agree to go out back, I exchanged words with Madison, Sarah, Gabby, Julia, Gopal and girlfriend, Tas, Chris, Michael, Chelsea, Ellyn, Pat, Zach, Martin, Jon, Hunter, Maura, Andy, Adison and Catherine.
I saw your brother and I couldn't speak.
It made me shake really hard, having walked past him, and I could not stop, as I tried. I said 2-3 times that I was cold, but no one cared or noticed, I almost spilled my beer on Frankie, then I calmed down. I laughed at myself drinking a dark beer, no one commented until Gopal came back and laughed at me drinking a dark beer.
Madison said she was very happy to see me and loved me and asked if I was going to school in Oakland, and when I said printing she said that everything I am doing is so random! Everyone wanted me to come over and see their new place.
Gopal wanted to sit down and look at every picture I've ever taken, he disagreed with me and said it would only take two days.
Frankie said he did not like people who portrayed to him what Gopal always did. He explained that happy, content looking people made him jealous. I asked if this was because he felt always less happy than them, he said that it wasn't that, but he was envious of their ability to fake it. I questioned what if they were actually happy? He told me that they weren't, and it angered him that he couldn't seem okay all the time. "You're the only one who thinks my jokes are funny." He told me I looked healthy, and good. He told me he didn't want me to spend the night anymore, and there was a party, and that he had no idea what I wanted. I responded, "I want to leave, I've always wanted to leave", I like to think he believed that.
"You just got me through the next three weeks." I said that getting drunk later will be what gets him through the next three weeks. I told our table that I am better than getting really drunk, something Frankie had just told me. Catherine asked why someone couldn't both be with me, and be really drunk, she said that's what she was doing.
"What your brother is doing is illegal, and he sells it to us for a third the price, it's as if he knows that it's bad."
I talked to Ellyn for quite a long time and was proud that I felt confident enough to get someone's number from them.
When I drove Adison home he was freaking out. He said it was because his night became so weird, he said it was because it was a very hard year. I said the night wasn't that weird but the year has been that hard. He said that his ex-girlfriend pointed out his first ex-girlfriend's mom to him. He asked if I was being honest when I told him that he could dish it out but was much too sensitive to take it, I said yeah.
"You are so in your head right now!" "I am!".
(I am not normally the one to say that, rather than receiving it.)
He said he was extremely self conscious of his mannerisms coming off as gay, and that he felt terrible having to say he is living at home. I let him know he should be proud of his job and that he is awesome, he said he has no motivation, and we agreed when we were younger we wanted to make something of ourselves, and now we don't care. He hugged me goodbye, and texted me later to drive safely. I got back around three and forgot how to fall asleep.
"What your brother is doing is illegal, and he sells it to us for a third the price, it's as if he knows that it's bad."
I talked to Ellyn for quite a long time and was proud that I felt confident enough to get someone's number from them.
When I drove Adison home he was freaking out. He said it was because his night became so weird, he said it was because it was a very hard year. I said the night wasn't that weird but the year has been that hard. He said that his ex-girlfriend pointed out his first ex-girlfriend's mom to him. He asked if I was being honest when I told him that he could dish it out but was much too sensitive to take it, I said yeah.
"You are so in your head right now!" "I am!".
(I am not normally the one to say that, rather than receiving it.)
He said he was extremely self conscious of his mannerisms coming off as gay, and that he felt terrible having to say he is living at home. I let him know he should be proud of his job and that he is awesome, he said he has no motivation, and we agreed when we were younger we wanted to make something of ourselves, and now we don't care. He hugged me goodbye, and texted me later to drive safely. I got back around three and forgot how to fall asleep.
I never emailed you
saying this is too hard.
(I know the things that he said to you,
it makes me feel no better if he is in the guest bed
with you.)
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