I wouldn't have to find a new place
I wouldn't have to live anywhere
I wouldn't have to quit my job
the people I would like to feel bad, would
I would no longer have insomnia
I wouldn't have to worry about money
I would no longer have to worry about my friends/friendships (also maybe more incentive for them to straighten up life)
I would escape inevitabilities (sickness/deaths etc)
I would get the benefit of quitting while I was ahead (my life wouldn't get any worse)
these thoughts (not those above, but those in my head) I think hardly qualify for a suicide scare, concidering I can't bring myself to leave this bed if it were a matter of life, or death. I think talking to someone anonymously sounds hokey, but I think forfeiting and giving myself up to some vague system sounds brave and also comforting. I love the idea of walking up to some desk, looking someone in the eye and saying I give up. It got the best of me, it really took hold this time, swallowed every inch of me, I can't see clearly, I can't think clearly, I'm not quite sure who I am, the way in which I used to be sure. Someone, anyone, PLEASE help me, just don't make me move, I don't think that I can
No comments:
Post a Comment