Strangle

My boss just told me (very seriously) that he wants to buy me a lexus, this isn't really something a person should complain about. but hey, here I am. The irony of a potential black lexus (his sister's) in my near future is fucking enormous (and hilarious). should I tell you when we have the same car?

Scott just texted me that he got me a bagel, I may never quit, and this isn't exactly a reason to stay at at job, but here I am, I've made worse decisions for less. (I've stayed at a worse job for a lot less). 
 "everything is fine, but I wish I were dead"

Jeff is asking each employee (starting with me) who is using all of the band-aids, 
and I have recurring visions of strangling him with these red throbbing hands.