Feel Well

this can never ever work because you want and need someone who is well and treats you shitty, while i am shitty and treat you well. i do wonder sometimes if you've realized this, about it being impossible i mean. it seems like i'll just be eternally distraught and disappointed and you will be annoyed and not be able to properly recognize the feeling. you hate me, but don't want to so act as if you don't, and i hate myself in how i act towards you. i guess i could play it cool, but i guess i wanted this to be one of the very few things in my life where i wasn't just playing.