Saw My Bleeding Reflection

I hate cigarettes, I hate my friends. I love their voices, and their hands, and I understand only that about the people that I love. It feels like though, that I do so much kindness, and put a lot of effort that is really hard for me, and then it all just is luck. Luck of the draw, like caring so deeply is completely futile, and it all comes down to me pulling the shortest straw at the end. I don't know, how I could have known, but it still feels like I should have, still feels like I actually did, how this was all going to turn out.
I had this dream the other night that I am still thinking of, I read about what it meant a little, but in writing it I know that it will be very clear as to what it was all suggesting at. 
I am in some situation, I don't remember what, but very focused, surrounded, involved, then suddenly my face starts gushing blood. I run instantly to the bathroom, with my nose pouring blood still, my family is aware what is happening, everyone around me is, but they never came in. Everyone was shouting different exclamations from the other room, I couldn't even see them, I just looked up in that oval mirror and watched thick, dark blood rush out of me. People are still shouting, my father sounded worried, and was loud, I couldn't see anyone though, no one came for me. All I saw was my reflection, and all I could hear was voices from another room.