The Grittiness You've Been Wanting

she said, your parents are mosquitos, who have found their own life

she said, your friends shrivel at your touch; much like you, just trying to stay alive

but you,

don't mislabel this as apathy, this is sheer hopelessness

everyone is frightened

but you, you call this freedom, though its dark and unbearable lightness

you love the word believe, and insist on using it incessantly still

clearly knowing nothing of karma, and even less of freewill

not even the universe will come save you, she watched my face, struck a nerve

you are simply floating, and pathetic in boasting, you got what you deserve

so what to do

when no one cares, and you'll do anything for anyone

aside from you

how I didn't reply
feeling like a fruit fly
swarming anything that I see as sweet
I got a nervous condition, hiding convulsions from the new people I meet
I don't believe in God or that all things are fated
I believe I am not right handed, and have been dealt a weird hand
I do not expect you to understand, nor do I wish you to think of me as farce-ly complicated
let me believe in the magic of coincidence, out of everything I used to have before
I don't even spell my name like that any more
freewill. I am sorry nothing of late gave me the will, to be anything, or free
I apologize that I am empty
a blank page as you said
just trying to stay alive, so apparently as good as dead
yes, being here, has made me want to do nothing, but not be here at all
come home, a sad house, to stand behind my brother use every ounce of might to hit its walls