Truthfully Don't Know Much

It took a long time, and I do not have to tell you that. I have a feeling that this may be, or should be, the last letter that I leave you. My inclinations have been wrong before though. 
After finally feeling, for the first time, that there was an option for me to work on and try to repair things between us, I thought about everything differently than before, and maybe accidentally finding my closure. I truthfully don't know much of what you think or who you are now, and only have to work with the few things you've told me since we've stopped talking, and several things that you told me before that I can think of as still being true. I see you, and your new life as being false as to who you really are, I do not judge you for that because I think that I understand somewhat, and also know that I am sure that it makes you happy, or you wouldn't be living how you are. I think where I come in, or come in still, is the piece still to be desired, the connection and honesty that is so hard, but was once worth it. What's funny is how that feeling is shared, despite my real friends, and life of being so much of who I am, there is this definite gap, that I feel, where our friendship once was. I've concluded that what we have done is possibly idealized each other a bit, and whether or not you reflect on our time together, I do a whole lot, every day. We are left with the sentiment that no one compares, because no one watches or listens or cares as much as we did for each other. And I do still care, I always, always will, but what I see now are two very different lives, much separated in every single way plausible, and as much as for years I have been wanting to mend, and spent my time talking to and being with you, I know now that it can't fit. Now of course I do believe in my heart of hearts, that to ensure you being happy I would do absolutely everything in the whole world, if that meant attempting to sacrifice and push aside this reality, I would. But it isn't what you want, it has been made so clear for so long, and I am only sorry for having and getting my hopes up, naively. I guess one day there could potentially be a middle for us to meet, and we could catch up on every second like I have always wanted, but now I must go my way, and you yours, if not for any reason besides that we already have. I will love you forever. And feel badly somehow, for not being good enough, but for now I need nothing else than to find my peace, within this, and foremost with myself. I do want to thank you though for everything that you taught me, and raising my expectations and standards in every way in friends, friendship, and people, I know now that I needed it. I hope that despite some things, you feel that way, too.
I tried, but couldn't find the last words that you said to me about the people in your life now and myself, as an apology. I realized also that an apologize is not what I am looking for, I want us, both, to be happy, and have never wanted anything else. I am so sad to see that we are trying the way that we are, but I know now why we cannot involve each other in that, and I will do my very best not to be sad about that.