An Honest Poem

My body felt more extraneous in your presence than at any other time. I dragged it along, clumsy, awkward, uneasy and unnecessary. Our souls danced with the pale light above the fireplace we laid beside, it was never on. I still associate soft carpets with you, and walls. You cried, the first time that I had sex. I cried, the first time that you did coke. You cried the last time that we hugged, but it wasn't the last time. We hugged one last time, in the back of my friend's car, I can still hear the kiss sound you made in my ear. I believed if I was strong enough I could surmount you like a hurdle. Though, I see now that you are the only person I'll ever watch at parties. You're the only person I will look for at the bars. If I had a dollar for every time that I googled the distance in miles that we are separated, and I don't blame you any more. This was bound to end. You loved me so fucking much that you prepared me, warned me, let me down easy, silently. You know how much I love silence, and know every other thing about me, like how there is no easy way to let me down.