I have been feeling quite isolated here. I'm aware isolation does not come across as the appropriate word, being I am so surrounded, in fact having the least amount of alone time of possibly ever before. It's a feeling far from loneliness, though, and if all these people were to disappear momentarily, I would feel the same. There is such a distinct and blantant disconnect, that I could blame on a thousand things, as much as just myself, but it is there. I had to go home this previous weekend to explore this fear; the sinking feeling of the potentiality of its permanence. I found a mixture of confirmations, and perfect peace and solace. I could very well end this (train of thought) with a cliche, "well, this must be growing up", and perhaps time is the only thing I could ever place the fault in, for everything. I wish I knew where the empathy went, the communication, trust. I felt my friends and I were all one in some sense, wherever we were, however we acted, I do not find that to be true now, all I can see is disimilarities, only akin in our struggle. It's not enough any more, the "past" and what we base all this off of is just too far off to make up an entire relationship now. Those moments so many years ago will no longer tide me over, I am sorry I need proof, but I do, and not only for myself, but now to know that we are the same.
The same as we once were, the same as each other.
(Self-defeating loved ones, I cannot relate to or continue to support your apathy.
Out of touch, how long can it last?
My real friends, you give me the reason and will to live, inspiration, purpose, and more gratitude than I could ever manage to put into words, especially in a time of need.)
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