Good Sad / Ugly Sad

Been sitting here for quite some time now,
trying to find the right words to explain
the sensation upon realizing this will be the first place that I remember living
that you will not come by
unexpected.
But expectedly, I love this pain, it's pretty and comforting, familiar and terrible,
much like you.
I will not write about, on the other hand, this new anguish, the hardship, disappointments, and mixed feelings anew. 
They are bad and just bad, and truly I do not know what to do.