When Mourning Breaks

I spent entire years absolutely devastated, melancholy, heart-broken, over the notion this was not forever. Upon discovering that it in fact still is, always was, it prompted the idea that my sadness was similarly eternal. Though, not in the slightest derived or connected to any notion, any idea, simply within me. 

Possibly I associated this with you because I was so cracked open, seeing the brightest innocent joy, lying out on the table beside a dark, treacherous and pain-staking uncomforbilty, a miserable discontent. All along I believed we were one mass, intertwined and mixed-up, 
now I feel the battle to love was not in loving you.