I Want You To Know I Have Epiphanies Every Day

I pushed those away with the desire to seek my individual purpose and meaning, ironically so, now aware that some individuals are nothing individually. My relationships are undoubtedly my purpose, and when I am around those I should spend my time with I can feel that dark ominous weight lifted from my chest. I convinced myself for much time that personal interactions were a distraction from the feelings I was feeling at the time. I see now that solitude was the source of the disturbing distraction of whom I should be. I should not be an isolated recluse, severed from all things and persons I love. I should be thriving along side them and within them, bettering each other synchronously like I always wanted, and wished to be true. I have lost my mind and likely myself, after delving so very deep within myself, there was no light left at all. I told myself I was not to reach the point of no return, but why be so extremely close? Strength in unity as cliched as it is, but I have always found truth in cliches, and truth in others. I still believe in honesty, trust, and utmost, perfection. My soul search was void of just that, and I want to feel like something more than, well, nothing. There is still magic, I just closed my eyes and covered my ears, and in that desuetude blackness, I saw the shade of all things. I marred the concept of learning, compassion, understanding, communication, art, literature; everything I could get my mind on just to find out if it had the potential to be ruined. The answer is that all things can be ruined, and likewise I aspire to find that all things can be saved.


(Yet all of this seems to beg at one absolute query, why is it that the pursuit is each time a surrender and return?)