Square One

never again can I care as I once did, because I hadn't before. initial intentions have a naive air that cannot be regained after the truthful knowledge instilled from inevitable relationship misfortune. the level of affect you could say is chosen by the affected, but I will attest the contrary, from experience, that some are simply more susceptible. there is an almost subconscious weariness or even hesitant nature, once the innocence is lost that is believed to somehow never leave. there is a deeply rooted saddest from perhaps even just the realization itself. when one day you are able to do something, or love someone completely whole heartedly, I, myself, often feel scorn by the idea of being crippled from past situations, not merely within those situations now, but so terribly hindered by the same situations or concepts in altogether new instances. perhaps it's just a lack of trust, for others and their intentions as well as your own.
It isn't so much a lackluster in relations or connections, but rather a harder, and thought to be wiser disposition, a viewpoint now additionally, and perpetually retrospective. seeing other people in other people, working out other people within other people, or seeing yourself more
clearly, through other people. patterns, reflections, ingrained hopes and notions, having a point
of reference is not necessarily negative, but perhaps alters something good, making it not so.
permanent, subliminally impacting comparisons, making one jaded from either differences, or (less advantageously) similarities.