Almost Everything Into Thin Air (Of Oct '10)

I couldn't apologize for this, due to being too sorry, but this memory remains, still burning to get out, and aching to stay in, just how I felt that night. We were sitting in separate chairs and all I could see is you, as usual, and I felt the devastation on my face, like spilled milk running through sick, anxious hands. Having nothing to do with anything, but I was also trapped, stranded out some dark winding road with you and your brutal honesty. You told me every single thing that I somehow imagined I wanted to hear, and I felt out-of-body with grief. For this night too was everything, and I couldn't even look at you. I sat there still, wishing to disappear, but not just from you but mostly from me, my life was useless, again. I was quiet, even more so than you, and you felt my disappointment permeating through the thin air. You asked me what I was thinking. I couldn't cry for this, on the basis of being too sad. Know though that I am sorry, and I did cry, and if I could ask you anything at all now in return it would be what you are thinking, years later.