Passing Simply

I can't stay asleep, I can't stay awake
I tear my bed to shreds
like all that belongs to me and could keep me safe
I am dozing off, panicked inside
and I'll treat you worse as soon as you say you're mine
I am only nervous in my head, with too much to hide
as she presses hard and deep on my tender arm
I asked confused how she found my soft spot (concealing my alarm)
and she explained to me, how she did that so quickly
said that if you are always looking, it becomes easy
I understood it then, everything
and wanted to explain myself to everyone I knew
but I withheld my tongue, remembering the error of contacting you
I know it was fair, but I've never wanted to even any score and that's the truth
speaking of, I apologize for the honesty, knowing you already miss my ruse
I can hardly eat, hardly leave, this house, so I am remorseful for this attitude
I can't stay asleep, can't stay awake
I tear my bed to shreds
I was going to better myself this year, but messaged you instead


I asked how she listened to my answers without any words
she reminded me of the difference between my mind and my head


but I made mistakes and they're wearing me out
and I was too tired to stand, so fell asleep on his couch
I sit on the grass, I sit on the phone, bleeding out of my mouth
I am sorry you are on the other end, crying as my brother or friend
the only thing worse than being unfixable is what is in you that I cannot mend
though I will try, and wear myself out in my mind, it's absurd
and there is too much to say, always, so I do not speak a word
just fidget and shake, occupy my body, a lot too antsy, and handsy
you use me until it's too exhausting for us both, too tired to say goodbye
to a passing fancy


you leave me where we always, always were: in my head
(for your sake)
so I can't sleep, I can't stay awake
I tear my bed to shreds


dreaming that loving you wasn't a mistake
loving isn't a mistake
it is great
it is something great