Some Thoughts

• you said tonight that there is no format for this life and that you simply wanted your friends to be happy, and I loved you in that moment, but all I could say was yeah.
• I sat for days in that chair, I think it was blue, I looked out the window mostly. I made a joke to you that under these circumstances you had no say in whether or not you wanted to spend time with me, you didn't find it that funny. I remember feeling so far away, but not wishing to crowd you I stayed still, seconds later you told me to come next to you on your hospital bed.
• I knew you didn't know me, several times lately, first you said that everyone I have loved is still friends with me so I shouldn't worry about how I act towards them, second you said something about chapped lips, making me realize you don't know the extent to my self consciousness. Also you think that I don't mind that you smoke, you said you had to keep the butts in my car because you didn't want to litter in front of cops. You are so wrong about things, and I love you for it, but seeing how people hit relationship walls.
• you told me that people feel this sort of obligation to be in each other's company, for their own reasons, but no one really actually converses, not wanting to be asked the questions they would even ask each other. You said it's strange for you to think of people still being sad and hopeless and never growing out of sulking, I didn't want to explain to you this longevity.
• you are always different you's, and I like that nearly as much as I like me being different me's.