All In Lieu Of Decision Making

How do I ever tell this story with leaving you out of it, it would be like hearing a punch line.

[I need to evaluate, and rethink my morals, as in all of them, as in I need your reassurance, you always knew me better than I did. I have never since made a life choice taking your absence into account. Now I am just stuck here down the street, wondering what it is that I could do to draw you to me in a time of need, of course knowing it to be showing disinterest, the single thing that we may have in common now. I have to resist though, you're progressing so well, as if every step away from me takes me a step back, I just am left to dwell on if you are at all aware of that. I want to know what you know, as much as I want to know what to do, cause this is remarkably lost, for existing so damn close to you.]

Jokes on me, actually moving backwards through time.