Bombarding

I feel that I am overtly hyper-aware, every sensation, thought, feeling, everything is so amplified. Whether it be the feeling of hair on my face, the way that a glass of water tastes, the look someone gives me when we lock eyes as they drive past, my ideas of how I am being perceived, the way that my hands feel, the thought of a memory, the way that someone says hello, being worried. I don't just say sensitive, I mean it in every painstaking way. I guess that this is where substance abuse comes in, to tone down and tune out a lot of these little things, that become everything. My social anxiety gets so bad when I am in public and feel alone that I cannot breathe, and I guess that I made a misconceived decision when I was fourteen. 
At fifteen, I should have seen the irrevocable damage of refraining from self harm.