Rambling Again

some serious things I could not shake, the strong need for your opinion on all the decisions I still make

and she told me a story, about a boy I had never met
I had only seen in pictures, but did not imagine his face and body but my own
she described for me, despite his actions, she felt his energy when she saw him
and it was anxious and desperate
as if frightened to make a mistake, without explaining to her a thing
I nearly delved in to tell her that we long to hide the way we are

this was clearly something that it should not have been
your clothes are still lying around the floor of my dreams
and in my sleep I thought about putting on your sweatshirt
but didn't, in fear of weirding you out
the most prominent thing that I ever worried about
you made me an ill at ease, and hesitant friend
and comparative, quietly disappointed lover
I force a smile observing you force a lifetime
and try my very, very best never to think
of all of the things that that energy could be going towards