Dream Him

I persist to get weaker and weaker
as the sleeping aids get stronger, and stronger
I cannot be here any longer


His name was Lelin, with an E, that's what he told me, when I asked (about the spelling, not his name). The first thing that I noticed was his hair, then his eyes, it takes a lot for me to notice eyes. I am wondering if that is how his name is spelled. He put two fingers against his lips and looked at me with very big, searching eyes, we couldn't place each other. He asked where I had been, he did not ask where I worked, I said nothing, as in, I am doing nothing. He laughed at my dark tone, detestation for prattle. We agreed on everything though, it seemed.
I promise next time that I see him I will not just say that I have been around, but that I am almost sure that I dreamt him.
Today I cried and not in my car and it was bizarre.

Somewhere yet to be determined, I gave up on my life.


(The smell of herbs, it overwhelms, I wanted in that moment for you to love me, but you never will.)